Listening to Life's Messages

B"H I'm not proud to admit it, but this whole past week I've been in complaining mode. I told anyone that asked, that "I had such a hard week," and I told myself the same. I was feeling bad for myself because my kids were sent home from gan for runny noses, and I "had" to be home alone with them all day while my husband was away and I had hardly any other help. I was annoyed at basically everyone; at the gan's new strict policy, at the doctor who wouldn't give me permission to return even though they were fine, at my cleaning lady for getting sick at the same time, and at my kids for wanting me to entertain them the whole day. And two of the nights my toddler ended up really not feeling well and didn't sleep at all... so I was feeling completely exhausted and mostly in survival mode. This morning, I was still singing the same tune, telling my friend that even though I was able to send my son back to gan, it doesn't "...

Looking down at the sea of Taleisim from the women's section of Marina Roscha's shul, I suddenly realized that it's the last chance for my 6 year old daughter to make it down in time for birkas kohanim.   I told her to quickly run downstairs so she can stand under Tatty's talis, but she said that she was too scared to try to find him by herself. "But look, you see Tatty and the boys right there, so you know just where to find him!"  "Yes," she answered, "From up here I can see exactly where Tatty is, but when I go downstairs, I can't see him anymore!" "Ok," I said, "So tomorrow we'll go down earlier so Tatty can meet you by the door." She stayed near me, but her words kept ringing in my head. Isn't that the story of our lives?  From above, everything is so crystal clear!  But when we are actually down IN the situation, we get lost in the heat of the moment, and suddenly not...

6 years ago today, I was blessed to become a Mommy for the first time, to my precious daughter, Nechamale. Although I have shared my journey to motherhood several times before, and although it is deeply personal, I decided it's finally time for me to put it on paper. Shortly after our wedding, (like many women in our community,)  I was already dreaming of becoming pregnant and welcoming a baby as soon as possible. I expected it to happen quickly and naturally, as it BH does for most woman, but as month after month passed by without any news, I started to feel very anxious.  Any doctor I shared my concern with said to wait at least one full year before worrying, which didn't really feel possible... But when we hit that one year mark, my fear and emptiness reached a whole new level.  That second year of waiting was so painful for me, and I was extremely impatient. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I did not "take it well" at all! Although I used to love kids ...

Ever since our wedding over 8 years ago, I almost never missed a week of baking challah, but this time was different than all the rest. This time, instead of davening for just my  close one to find her other half, I davened for another 262 other singles as well. I was filled with emotion as I read down the list, realizing just how many others are waiting, and knowing that there are thousands more... and that their wait must feel just as real. And while I prayed that Hashem send every single person their miracle, it made me realize how much simpler it will be for Hashem to just send Moshiach and answer everyone all at once!  Because even if all my loved ones were to celebrate their miracles today, it would not be enough.  We are each waiting, praying, and hoping primarily for our own personal Geulah and the personal Geulah of our closest family and friends, but that's only because we each feel our own needs as more real and urgent. But when we remember that we a...

The kids just fell asleep.  There's less than an hour less to the fast now, and all I want to do is rest and pass the time, and dream about what I will break my fast on, and about all the things that I need to do.  After all, it's been a long and hard day. I felt weak, dizzy, tired, and hungry. I felt lousy and unproductive. I felt a bit impatient and grumpy. I was mostly trying to just survive it. But now that it's almost over, a part of me is not ready for it to end. A part of me wishes I could hold onto this day just a little bit longer.  I need more time to take its message to heart. I need more time to search for the personal meaning. I need more time to find the inspiration.  Without it, I'd be missing the point. I'd be wasting the potential.  If tomorrow will be no different than yesterday, in a way, I will have fasted in vain.  Because every yom tov has its special power that's meant to last us through the whole year, and tisha b'av is no dif...

B"H I just watched this video of a mother duck standing at the top of the stairs, calmly watching as her 12 little ducklings struggled to make it up there, for what felt like forever. The title of the version I saw, (sent from a friend on whatsapp) was "Never Give Up," but my first instinct when watching it was to feel such compassion for those little babies who seemed to have such a selfish and pitiless mother! Of course it was so easy for her to jump up there, but how could she bear to watch her babies suffer like that all alone? She knows they can't fly yet.. Why couldn't she wait downstairs until all her ducklings made it up, and only then, follow them as well? But then I realized, she's their mama! She naturally loves them and knows what's best for them. She was probably on her way to take them to the water for the first time and this was surely the only way they could survive. (And this might not be the first or hardest thing they ha...

Last night, a friend asked me a few questions about my posts and made me realize that it's important to insert a disclaimer;) and also some more explanation, so here... First, I'm not an authority. I'm not a Rebbetzin or a Torah Scholar or a chinuch professional or anything close to that... and I'm also not representing anybody except myself. I'm just a young Lubavitcher mother, with my own little journey, bravely sharing some of my personal "diary" with my Facebook friends - for whichever care to read;) I don't at all assume that all my present attitudes are correct or "the best" or the only right way! And I also can't say that I won't change my mind, either on my own, or because of new experiences, learning new things from older/wiser friends, or from more Torah sources or classes. Just like I learned something new today, I can learn and discover something new tomorrow, and the day after that... just like everybody el...