Come, Mommy!

After months of staying at home, Yudale finally had a playdate with his friend last week and was enjoying his first trip to the park. He was having fun standing on one of those round tire swings, but when he tried to sit down in the middle of swinging, he fell off and hurt his foot. We knew he most likely broke something, and we quickly rushed him to get an xray, but we were really surprised to learn that he would need an operation 6 hours later in order to put his growth plate back in place.

I don’t like operations... but I was grateful to Hashem that it wasn’t for anything more serious, and I was BH able to just relax and accept Hashem’s plan. I anyway had to keep totally positive and calm for my son, and I didn’t let myself worry at all, even for a second. 

Yudale would need to spend the next few hours doing all kinds of tests, but we knew that he is BH a strong and brave boy, and decided that I would go back home to take care of the rest of the kids, while my husband would stay with and care for him. 

We had our calculations of why that made sense - 

Thank Gd I have a newborn baby, and we didn’t have a proper babysitter for my other kids who were feeling a bit anxious and also needed their Mommy. I anyway wouldn’t be with him during the operation of course, and I wasn’t sure if I would even be able to see him right before and after, because they were really strict about testing for the virus with a CT scan, which is not good for nursing, and of course not possible for my baby. I could say tehillim at home just as well...

Back home, I had a few video calls with Yudale, and BH he seemed to be doing well.

But at one point, it finally got to him. 

He called me crying and looking so scared, saying, “Mommy, I want you to be with me… I want you to come here now...”

I immediately promised him I would come asap, and as soon as I hung up, I couldn’t hold back the tears. I felt such compassion! I knew everything was okay, but it was just so hard to see his face looking so sad and afraid. I felt bad that I had left him. I had been so strong and positive until then, but at that moment I lost my calm. Seeing how much my son wanted me to be by his side made me instantly forget all my previous “reasons” for staying home. I just HAD to be with my precious boy! 

If video calls had been enough for him, they could have been enough for me too… but seeing how much he needed me, made me just stop, drop, and run. 

On my way back to the hospital, I realized the meaning of the words of Yalkut Shimoni that “Even if the Jewish people have no merit other than their yearning for Redemption, they are worthy of being redeemed for that alone.” 

I realized that acceptance and being strong are not always a virtue…

It’s okay to say we are not okay! 

It may be psychologically easier to just accept and make peace with the reality as it is - especially when it feels we have already tried and we don’t have the power to change it... 

But we must have faith that we DO have that power!

As long as we seem to be doing “okay” in golus, as long as Rebbe videos and pictures and answers through his igros and ohel seem to be enough for us for right now, as long as we seem comfortable and accepting of all our challenges… then maybe it’s possible for Hashem to have his “calculations” for pushing off the Geula a bit longer, ch”v.

But the moment we lose our calm, the moment we let our hearts cry out that, “No, we are not managing, and we are not okay! We are just DONE with this dark and painful golus. We don’t accept any of these “substitutes” for seeing our Rebbe physically in real life, and we refuse to make peace with anything less than the true and complete Geulah NOW!” - 

Then how can Hashem hold back? 

***

By the time I got to the hospital, Yudale had already been partly sedated and was already on his way to the operating room. I made the nurses wait a minute as I handed Yudale a picture of the Rebbe, and it made him so happy! I also showed him the Rebbe dollars, kos shel bracha, and tzedakah coins that were in a bag under his pillow, as well as some cookies and drawings from his siblings. 

The impatient nurses kept saying that he won’t remember any of this anyway, so there was no point in showing it to him now...

But the moment Yudale opened his eyes after surgery, he asked, “Where is my picture of the Rebbe?”  

And then he asked if he could put some coins in the tzedakah box... And then if he could kiss the Rebbe dollars and have a drop of kos shel bracha! 

It’s true he didn’t remember the cookies or the drawings... just like the nurses told me.

But he sure remembered the important things! 

***

On our way out of the hospital the following day, my husband told Yudale to say bye to the nurses. 

Yudale said “Bye, - but I’ll be back again next week;)”

A moment later, he added, “Actually no, I won’t, cuz Moshiach will be here already before then!”

I don’t know how Hashem could turn down our faithful children?!

***

When we got home, Yudale’s amazing teacher messaged him that, “Apparently, he had to come to the hospital to elevate the place... And that for sure everything he did purified the air there..”

Yudale smiled at that thought, and said, “Yes, it was hard for me to daven this morning, but I still davened with Kavanah.”

We are so blessed to know there is always a purpose, no matter where we are...

***

One of our first thoughts whenever anyone gets hurt is, “Is everything okay with our mezuzahs?” 

At first we thought the answer was yes, because we recently had them all checked, right before moving into our new apartment.

But then we realized it’s possible we are missing mezuzahs in two openings that don’t have doors.. We checked and found out that at least one of them needed a mezuzah! 

Of course we quickly put one up there...

But it is so important to always check that our homes are really FULLY secured! 

***

Whenever anyone Gd forbid gets a bit hurt, or the opposite- is thank Gd saved from getting hurt, 

We are suddenly reminded of how small and vulnerable we are,

How fragile we are, 

How we are like clay in the hands of Gd…

And especially with kids who we love more than anything...

We realize that we as parents just don’t have the power to protect them.

This thought could potentially make us feel worried, scared, afraid…

OR, 

This thought could be the source of our security, our confidence, our calm, and our complete peace of mind! 

Because we are all 100% in Gds hands, ALWAYS! 

And Gd is good! And kind! And merciful! 

And He loves us unconditionally! 

There is no such thing as nature, or coincidence, or accidents, or statistics… 

There is only Hashem.

And He performs countless miracles for each of us, CONSTANTLY! 

But we forget. 

And so Hashem says hi. 

And reminds us that all those other moments when “nothing” happens, when everything goes smoothly, when everyone is healthy…  that’s all from Him too.

We can all relax, because Hashem is watching over us and protecting us and our children EVERY SINGLE MOMENT - LITERALLY.

We are all walking miracles. 

We were vulnerable before this virus too - 

We just didn’t feel it as much.

We can feel that everything is a “risk” -  even letting a kid go to the park, go on a swing, go on a playdate, ride on a bike.. and even staying at home! 

Or we can feel that everything is safe!

Because we are connected Above.

Because we are in Hashem's loving hands.

***

Any moment now, the mask of “nature” will be fully removed...

The whole world will recognize that He is the source of ALL life, that He is the ONE AND ONLY POWER. 

And we’ll never need an unfriendly reminder ever again. 

May that moment be right NOW!!!