Listening to Life's Messages

Ever since our wedding over 8 years ago, I almost never missed a week of baking challah, but this time was different than all the rest. This time, instead of davening for just my  close one to find her other half, I davened for another 262 other singles as well. I was filled with emotion as I read down the list, realizing just how many others are waiting, and knowing that there are thousands more... and that their wait must feel just as real. And while I prayed that Hashem send every single person their miracle, it made me realize how much simpler it will be for Hashem to just send Moshiach and answer everyone all at once!  Because even if all my loved ones were to celebrate their miracles today, it would not be enough.  We are each waiting, praying, and hoping primarily for our own personal Geulah and the personal Geulah of our closest family and friends, but that's only because we each feel our own needs as more real and urgent. But when we remember that we a...

The kids just fell asleep.  There's less than an hour less to the fast now, and all I want to do is rest and pass the time, and dream about what I will break my fast on, and about all the things that I need to do.  After all, it's been a long and hard day. I felt weak, dizzy, tired, and hungry. I felt lousy and unproductive. I felt a bit impatient and grumpy. I was mostly trying to just survive it. But now that it's almost over, a part of me is not ready for it to end. A part of me wishes I could hold onto this day just a little bit longer.  I need more time to take its message to heart. I need more time to search for the personal meaning. I need more time to find the inspiration.  Without it, I'd be missing the point. I'd be wasting the potential.  If tomorrow will be no different than yesterday, in a way, I will have fasted in vain.  Because every yom tov has its special power that's meant to last us through the whole year, and tisha b'av is no dif...

B"H I just watched this video of a mother duck standing at the top of the stairs, calmly watching as her 12 little ducklings struggled to make it up there, for what felt like forever. The title of the version I saw, (sent from a friend on whatsapp) was "Never Give Up," but my first instinct when watching it was to feel such compassion for those little babies who seemed to have such a selfish and pitiless mother! Of course it was so easy for her to jump up there, but how could she bear to watch her babies suffer like that all alone? She knows they can't fly yet.. Why couldn't she wait downstairs until all her ducklings made it up, and only then, follow them as well? But then I realized, she's their mama! She naturally loves them and knows what's best for them. She was probably on her way to take them to the water for the first time and this was surely the only way they could survive. (And this might not be the first or hardest thing they ha...

Last night, a friend asked me a few questions about my posts and made me realize that it's important to insert a disclaimer;) and also some more explanation, so here... First, I'm not an authority. I'm not a Rebbetzin or a Torah Scholar or a chinuch professional or anything close to that... and I'm also not representing anybody except myself. I'm just a young Lubavitcher mother, with my own little journey, bravely sharing some of my personal "diary" with my Facebook friends - for whichever care to read;) I don't at all assume that all my present attitudes are correct or "the best" or the only right way! And I also can't say that I won't change my mind, either on my own, or because of new experiences, learning new things from older/wiser friends, or from more Torah sources or classes. Just like I learned something new today, I can learn and discover something new tomorrow, and the day after that... just like everybody el...

B"H I've read about what it means to be a surrendered single and a surrendered wife, and of course it felt so right and made so much sense to me, but somehow I never realized that it's all the same when it comes to parenting! I'm sure it's all out there, but somehow I just missed it.  I must have heard the message a million times in subtle different ways, but it just didn't sink in. I guess there are some things we can only learn and absorb through our own personal experience. Today, on Day 2 of our "bribe and threat free" home, I finally got what it means to be a peaceful parent. Our home felt so much calmer, and the kids were actually acting better, not worse.  And as soon as they fell asleep, I suddenly realized why. Until now,  I was somewhat naively thinking that I can control them. I was even mistakenly thinking that that's part of my "job" as a parent.  And of course, it seemed to work out just fine,...

B"H First days are always the easiest for me because I'm still fully inspired and B"H I really enjoyed the challenge! There were a few times when I was tempted to go back to the old way, but I was able to hold back  and they BH responded so sweetly!  The first time was when my Nechama'le was doing such a great job taking care of Levi. He was a bit whiny, so she  started entertaining him and making him laugh, and I was so proud of her.  I felt like I had to "do" something to reinforce her helpfulness, but I held myself back from offering her some small  tangible reward.  Instead, I called her over and whispered to her that I want to tell her something. She asked what, and I said that Hashem is so proud of her and that she has such a good heart!  She ran back to play with him, (and also spoke really nicely with Yudale), but she returned to me a minute later to hear more:) I told her that she is such a great big sister and that she is so ...

B"H Every time I use bribes or threats to motivate my kids to do what they need to do, I feel so unsatisfied with my parenting style. A voice inside me says it shouldn't be this way, I shouldn't have to add a second clause to my sentences. I want them to just consistently listen to whatever I tell them to do without any external reasons, and I know it must be possible, because there seem to be so many other moms out there who do it. But the big question in my mind is always how? What is the alternative? What should make my kids want to stop playing and instead go brush their teeth or daven or learn, or go to bed and lay there quietly until they fall sleep, just because "it's time"? What should motivate them to put others first and "give in" to their siblings and friends when they really want to always have the "best" for themselves? I wish there was an easy answer, but I know that there isn't. Bribes and threats are the ...