Six Fingers and Six Life Lessons

It was such a relief to watch Levi waking up from surgery! First crying, then drinking.. eating.. walking.. talking.. and finally smiling and playing:) 

We were filled with the greatest sense of gratitude to Hashem for His everlasting kindness..

And Baruch Hashem, Levi was totally his happy normal self since then, he didn't even need any pain killers! I couldn't have imagined it would be this easy BH.

His left hand is still wrapped up for now, but underneath, for the first time, we know he has "just" 5 fingers;)

A few moments after he was born, a year and 5 months ago, we noticed a little surprise - a cute tiny extra finger sticking out of his left thumb.
We weren't sure what to make of it, but we knew we didn't want to announce it yet, because Baruch Hashem he's completely healthy, and it's really no big deal, and we didn't want that to be everyone's first association with our brand new, long awaited prince..

But as I lay in my hospital bed with my precious new baby sleeping in my arms, my mind started flooding with questions..
Why was he born with 6 fingers? What does it mean? Did I do something wrong? Maybe it's a good sign? (After all, I love the number 11 because of what it represents in chassidus.) Or is it a bad sign...? What is it meant to tell me? How is it possible that our baby was not born perfect if he has such perfect parents?;) And lots more...
I also already felt a little fear in advance at the thought that one day we will probably choose to surgically remove it.

Then I remembered that I wanted his pure soul, which has just entered this world, to get to hear the Rebbe's holy voice as he slept on me.
I turned on a random video of the Rebbe from Chabad.org and started to also drift off to sleep.
But suddenly, I couldn't believe my ears! I heard the Rebbe saying, "6 fingers and 6 fingers..."
What?! I took my phone to rewind the last few seconds.. and yes, I heard right. The Rebbe was speaking about 6 fingers. Before I even had a chance to understand the context, I started crying from the amazing feeling of being so understood and not alone. It was so comforting to feel the Rebbe's presence with me, even in my seemingly small and unimportant worry.

And in that moment, I was reminded of my first important life lesson,

1) EVEN THOUGH YOU USUALLY CAN'T TAKE AWAY SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM, YOU CAN STILL MAKE SUCH A DIFFERENCE JUST BY BEING THERE WITH THEM AND CARING.
That alone is the greatest comfort.
I realized how important it is to truly listen and make someone feel deeply understood, even if we can't offer any immediate answer or solution.
That's the amazing power of empathy and validation, (especially for our kids.)
Just being there emotionally, and really knowing and feeling what they are going through, is the first and most important way to really ease their worries or pain. And of course, it's equally important in all the good moments - to truly share in another's experiences, excitement, dreams, pride, and joy.

And for ourselves, to always remember that we are so fortunate to have a Rebbe who is with us in every single moment of our lives. He knows what we're going through even before we reach out, and he feels each of us as naturally as we each feel ourselves, and more.

As I replayed the Sicha of 6 Tishrei, 5742, I learned my second most beautiful life lesson.

1) YOU ARE PERFECT.
YOUR PROBLEMS DON'T DEFINE YOU.
DEFINE YOURSELF ONLY BY YOUR SOUL AND STRENGTHS, NOT YOUR STRUGGLES.

The Rebbe was addressing the question many people grapple with, "How is it possible to do Teshuva and perfect ourselves, when Hashem himself is the one who created us with various limitations and imperfections?"
The Rebbe gives an example of how even Torah considers certain people "imperfect." For example, there are certain opinions which argue that even a kohen who is born, not with something missing, but with something EXTRA,- 6 fingers and 6 fingers, is still unfit to serve in the Beis Hamikdash.
So surely it's impossible for me to be perfect with all that I'm lacking?
But that's our mistake- To define ourselves by the things we can't do or don't have..
Because in truth, every Jew is perfect and unlimited; a pure piece of Hashem. We all have the power to achieve everything we need to in this world! Any seeming deficiency in us is only superficial and external, and doesn't define us in any way.
Thats why it's actually no big deal for us to correct those outside little things and return to our pure and perfect inner self, and express it at any time.

I looked at my Levi with a new peace of mind, knowing that he IS a perfect baby after all.

And with every passing day, we get to see more and more what an adorable, smart, happy, fun, easy going, friendly, curious, energetic, talented, generous, and delicious baby he is... who gives the yummiest kisses and the sweetest smiles, who loves to laugh and to make us laugh, and who takes such pleasure in helping and sharing and brightening the world with his dozens of super cute and amusing faces!
He's not a baby "with six fingers".

And the same is true for everyone else!

We must describe and associate every person we know ONLY by their positive qualities and what they CAN do, because only those are true reflections of who they really are, as an actual piece of G-dliness.

But this brought me to the third amazing thing I learned from Levi's finger.

3) DON'T HOLD ON TO YOUR LIMITATIONS. EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE, DON'T BE AFRAID OF CHANGE.
LET YOUR PROBLEMS OF THE PAST GO. DON'T WORRY BECAUSE YOU WILL STILL ALWAYS BE UNIQUELY YOU!

With time, I became so comfortable with Levi's extra finger and I felt so okay with it. I started to think that maybe we should just leave it alone after all, or at least push it off for a few extra years. Baruch HaShem it's not bothering his development, and as strange as it sounds, maybe I would even miss it a bit when we'd remove it, because it's a part of him and we are all so used to it.

Most importantly, why put him through the risk and stress and inevitable healing pains? Is it really 100% necessary?

And I know I'm not the only one who had these thoughts because when I told friends about our plans, quite a few asked me sympathetically, "Are you sure you really need to remove it?"

But of course our answer is yes, we are sure.
It's definitely the right choice for him and for his future, both physically, (because it also affected his thumb), and psychologically and socially.

True, change can be hard.
True, change can be scary.
But still, just because you were born that way doesn't mean you need to stay that way!
And the earlier in life that you can make a positive change, the easier and better it will be.

And it's true, you will still never be completely "perfect" on the outside.
You might still not be 100% like "everyone else" in that area.
It may never be ideal, and you will probably always be left with some kind of "scar."
But it's still well worth the effort!
Once you let go of whatever it is that is stopping you, distracting you, or slowing you down, you will be so much more free to express more of your true self and to focus on your mission of using all your wonderful gifts to brighten the world.

The only important thing to remember before we begin is that we need to make sure we are totally ready.
The doctors were so careful to make sure not to operate until we confirm that his body is not fighting any other battles at the same time - whether big or small.
We can only focus on correcting one thing at a time and we need to take it just one step at a time.

And here's the main idea that made me confident that we should remove what's extra,

4. MORE IS ACTUALLY LESS. WE DON'T NEED ANY EXTRAS BECAUSE IT WILL ONLY GET IN THE WAY.

Whatever we own that doesn't serve any purpose - that doesn't provide any real function, beauty, or inner happiness.. just doesn't belong in our lives.
Like I heard once in an organization workshop, "If you don't need it, use it, or love it... then throw it out."
And that applies to so much more than just household clutter!

It applies to our thoughts, our feelings, our words, how we spend our time, how we spend our money, what we tell our kids, what we put in our mouths... and also, to Levi's tiny extra finger which couldn't really do anything.

As the Yiddish saying goes, "What's not allowed, is not allowed. And what is allowed, is not necessary..."

But even once I was sure that it's the right thing to do, and also the right time and place, and even though we consulted with top doctors and a chassidishe Rov and mashpia, and even though I already wrote to the Rebbe and received a clear and beautiful Bracha for success and good news and that we will go out "ביד רמה.."...

I still felt SO nervous and uneasy about the thought of general anesthesia on our precious little baby..

With butterflies in my stomach the night before our flight to Israel, I once again turned to the Rebbe, our loving father, asking for support and strength..

And I started to read a letter of the Rebbe that really calmed my heart and changed my whole experience,

5. TO TRUST IN HASHEM IS TO FEEL COMPLETELY CALM IN YOUR HEART. IT'S NOT OKAY TO BE AFRAID. THINK GOOD AND IT WILL BE GOOD.

The letter I opened was addressed to the Jewish chaplains serving in the Israeli army, reminding them of their mission to encourage the soldiers to be strong in their confidence that they will achieve a full victory, and that they should not fear the enemy..

The Rebbe quoted what the Kohen was commanded to tell the soldiers before they would go out to war..

"Let your hearts not be faint; you shall not be afraid, and you shall not be alarmed, and you shall not be terrified because of them.
"For the Lord, your God, is the One Who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you."

I so related to the example of a soldier going out to war- where there is clearly an objective reason to be afraid, but where they are nevertheless forbidden to feel it...
and somehow those words really entered my heart and I felt a new calm.

I remembered that it is my choice and responsibility to control my emotions by allowing only positive thoughts to fill my mind, and BH I was really able to do it.

To strengthen ourselves even more on the morning of the surgery, we learned the Sicha where the Rebbe explains the concept of "think good and it will be good," and the power our trust has to bring about obvious and revealed good. (Shemos, 5726 and Bshalach 5723)

It also helped that we had so many encouraging signs everywhere we turned,
-the fact that on his own, the doctor chose the auspicious date of Yud Beis Tammuz,
- the amazing brachos and connections we saw in the Chumash and Tanya of the day,
- that the doctor let us put the Rebbe's dollar, kos shel Bracha, Rebbe's water, and Shir hamaalos card right above Levi's head, as well as a chitas and Pushka (which the doctors put tzedakah in just seconds before they began),
- family members who davened by the Ohel
- family and friends who said tehillim around the world
- the fact that we were in "The Land that Hashem's eyes are constantly watching.."
And more...

But the main reason for my calm was simply because I knew that "thinking good" was the best way I can ensure that everything "will be good."

I reminded myself that there's no "extra" risk here because for Hashem there is absolutely no difference between the way he watches and protects us today and the way he watches and protects us every other day of the year! Everything is from Him alone, and all of our lives are fully in His control in every moment.

Honestly, I felt so proud of myself because I was able to go above my nature. I never imagined I could feel so relaxed the entire day waiting for the surgery, even while it was delayed for an extra 3 hours, and even while waiting for it to be over in the waiting room..

Now if only I could stay this calm and trust Hashem through all the much smaller worries and stresses... And if only we could have the same trust in the coming of Moshiach, he would surely come right away!

And last but not least, one of the greatest things I noticed,

6. THE MORE WE CAN FIND THE MEANING, PURPOSE, AND BEAUTY, IN EVERY CHALLENGE, PAIN, AND INCONVENIENCE, THE EASIER THEY WILL BECOME.

Just a few examples,

THE MEANING -
One of the things Levi's finger helped me appreciate is the awesome miracle of the human body! We tend to take so many things for granted and forget to marvel at the wonder of Hashem's creation!
The fact that we are all created with exactly 10 fingers and exactly 10 cute little toes, and with every other perfect detail in our bodies, is only because Hashem especially forms each of us that way, to be a mirror of His image and to be able to bring His presence into the world!

THE PURPOSE -
One frustrating moment was when, literally in the last minute, they noticed a concern with one of the blood tests and told us we had to redo it. It was hard because our baby had already been fasting all day, and was also already getting tired..
And especially since they should have checked that days ago when we first sent in the results.
But in that moment, we looked for the purpose and found it - when during the extra waiting time, the Israeli anesthesiologist agreed to put on tefillin for the first time in his life!
Even though he couldn't understand the point of putting it on when he doesn't believe in it anyway, he agreed to have his bar mitzvah just as a favor to us and Levi.

And when we found out that our first anesthesiologist ended up going in to a different surgery instead, because he wasn't sure if ours was going to happen that day, at first we were a bit upset because he was supposed to be very good.
But when our "new" anesthesiologist (from Russia) agreed to put on tefillin just to bring an "extra blessing for Levi" we had no regrets and actually felt really happy for this opportunity. (And we also found out that he is actually a more experienced and better child anesthesiologist than the first!)

And during Levi's operation, another Israeli in the waiting room also agreed to put on tefillin because "it definitely won't hurt."

THE BEAUTY -
One of the beautiful things for me was to watch how just about all children were so positive and accepting when they noticed his little finger, and especially our own kids.
They thought it was interesting, it was cute, it was special.. and they proudly showed it off to all their friends and all our guests.
I especially loved listening to how they confidently answered kids who questioned why he has it,
"Because that's how Hashem made him.."
It was also amusing to hear kids respond with, "my baby also used to have it," or to count their fingers and notice that "I only have 5", or "I don't have it," or to touch another finger to their thumb and say, "look, I also have 6 fingers."
It kind of reminded me of the games we used to play as kids asking people to count our fingers and trying to show that we had 9 or 11..

And most importantly, the beauty of our wonderful family and friends who supported us in so many ways over the last few days and weeks! It was so touching to experience such kindness and caring! We thank you all from the bottom of our hearts, and wish everyone to learn and accomplish all that we need to, through only open and revealed good!